Quantcast
Channel: National Alzheimer's Care Directory | Endear for Alzheimer's » Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s
Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 6

How to Care for Someone With Alzheimer’s from Another State – Distance Caregiver Tips Part: 1

0
0

Caring for Someone with Alzheimer’s From a Long Distance, is a 3-part series written by Author and former caregiver; Elaine Pereira. We will post each new article in her series each Thursday for the next 3 weeks. The following outlines her extremely helpful articles. 

 

Part I - Helps you to make the decision: To Move Or Not To Move.

Part II – Elaine identifies what to look for in Selecting a Facility:

  • Which questions to ask
  • How to gauge the answers
  • Does it appear the person at the assisted living community is being truthful? Or, are they simply telling you what they think you want to hear?
  • The single most important feature defining a quality facility

Part III – The final article, Preparing Yourself for the Fallout, is intended to be proactively supportive by revealing pitfalls you may encounter after the move.

Please read all 3 articles as they are best used in conjunction with one another. Click the links at the end of the article to read all parts of this dynamic series.
-Carlos Barrios, Founder Endear For Alzheimer’s

Caring for Someone with Alzheimer’s From a Long Distance

By Elaine C Pereira, MA OTR/L, CDP, CDC - Author of the multi-award winning memoir: I Will Never Forget-A Daughter’s Story of Her Mother’s Arduous And Humorous Journey Through Dementia

Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s requires a unique skill set that most other medical conditions do not. And yes, Alzheimer’s is a medical condition. In fact it’s a real, progressive, neurological disease, not just a quirky change in personality. The toll that long term care can take on someone is extraordinary in all spheres: financial, physical, emotional, logistical and more. But there are some very distinct aspects of being responsible for an individual with Dementia that transcend that of other conditions.

My three part series Caring for Someone with Alzheimer’s From a Long Distance is specifically dedicated to the decision-making quandary of moving your loved one to be physically closer to you or into a facility near their current “home.” This was my dilemma, but it’s not unique to me. I explore three separate but interwoven areas pertinent to making informed decisions with respect to Alzheimer’s: To Move or Not To Move, Selecting a Facility and Preparing for the Fallout.

I can’t anticipate every scenario, but I will share my experiences and recommendations. Please know that from the onset you are not alone in this journey, although you might feel that way at times, you will gain insight and answers in this series.

Read more in my multi-award winning memoir: I Will Never Forget-A Daughter’s Story of Her Mother’s Arduous and Humorous Journey Through Dementia. You might identify with and learn from my unwitting mistakes and strategies for better interaction.

Decide on Assisted Living?

[contact-form-7]

Part I

To Move or Not To Move

As Alzheimer’s progresses, your loved one, most likely your parent, may need increased supervision for safety issues and/or considerable assistance with self-care. Some families can orchestrate the logistical nightmare that overseeing the care of their parent entails without relocating them. Providing this level of assistance, although challenging, is manageable if they live within a reasonable proximity.

Gone are the days when multiple generations live in the same home or even the same city. The reality is that we are an international society dispersing families to all parts of the globe. Managing the evolving needs of someone with Alzheimer’s is daunting anyway, but further complicated when they are physically a distance away.

If you’re wrestling with the decision between relocating your loved one closer to you or trying to manage “things” long distance, consider these points in your quest to achieve the best plan for everyone.

Camouflaging Reality. In the early stages people with dementia can mask the reality of their decline eluding probing questions with vague answers. They are just savvy enough to circumvent a direct inquiry. My mother was a master at masking. If I asked her whether she had lunch or went to church, she answered appropriately. If I pressed, however and asked what she had for lunch, her answers were nonspecific: “Oh you know, the usual.”

Knowing the reality of your parent’s situation is especially difficult long distance.

Unveiling the Truth.  As a daughter to my mother with Dementia, I was handicapped by well-intended but unimaginable information shared with me by a few staff. Mom’s very close girlfriends, whom I would have found believable, had already passed away. The specific problem was twofold:

  1. The individuals who called to alert me of my mother’s sometimes bizarre behaviors, were strangers on the phone.  Phone conversations and emails are subject to considerable misinterpretation.
  2. They were also cautious about using inflammatory words to describe my mother’s actions. Although well intended, they did not accurately portray Mom’s out-of-control rages. They used more socially acceptable adjectives like “upset” when in fact Mom was hysterical and screaming. Since I never saw my mother dissolve in this way (until I finally did), I discounted the staffs’ sightings.

 

Recommendations.

  1. Skype. Today’s technological advances allow for the best of face-to-face communication.  Subtle innuendos are more visible when you can actually see one’s facial expressions whether you are talking to your parent or their friend, nurse, etc.
  2. Record.  What the staff politely described as my mother being “a little upset in the lobby,” I would have labeled as “out-of-control, hysterical mania” from a person I barely recognized. Legalese aside, having “indisputable video evidence” can confirm your loved one’s deteriorating behaviors and the unequivocal need for more supervision. This strategy would have provided me invaluable information and empowered me to be proactive much sooner.
  3. Professional Assessments.  Especially when you are navigating these unchartered waters from far away, you may want to network with or hire an unbiased, independent professional to evaluate your parent and report their findings to you.  What do you need to hear, know or see to affirm the truth of your parent’s situation?

My mother and I lived two hours apart.  Close, but not close enough.  Finally one day I witnessed her bizarre explosion of hostility over an innocuous drapery rod. I had an epiphany. Suddenly every one of her goofy remarks, paranoid suspicions and irrational behaviors made perfect sense. Mom had Alzheimer’s and had to be moved.

If you live far enough away that you can’t logistically be a part of your
parent’s time-consuming care, a facility that does is probably the best option.

Any Relocation is Disruptive.  Whether you move your parent from his/her home to a facility across the street or across the country, it will be a draining, emotional experience for everyone.  Keep in mind that the home and surroundings that are familiar to them now will probably be insignificant as the disease advances.  I believed erroneously that my mother was aware of and comforted by being around her “things.”  But when we finally did move her, Mom never acknowledged her personal belongings.  Strange.

Like Goldilocks someone with Alzheimer’s often wanders into another resident’s room sits in their chair or plops on the bed. My mother did this, confirming that the physical aspects of her surroundings were irrelevant.

Familiar Senses.  Current theory suggests people with Alzheimer’s are still “in there” and it’s up to us to find what connects for them. This what varies considerably, but a daughter or son’s face, voice and touch, have been with their parent since birth. Close family members can trigger connections that others cannot, as they are part of long-term memory.

Read more on: How to Communicate With Someone With Alzheimer’s

It was important to me to see my mom as often as possible and be able to make informed decisions in her behalf as her disease advanced. As my mother had to be moved anyway, geographic proximity became tantamount; closer to me was better.

The move itself was an emotional train wreck wrought with blistering accusations, hysteria, anger etc. But she would have acted out in the same way even if she had been moved next door. The up side was that as her memory of the move waned, Mom eventually mellowed. On the rare but precious moments when dementia’s fog lifted and my real Mom surfaced, she thanked me for all I had done for her and smiled.

In summary any relocation will be challenging, laced with a gazillion other adjectives. From personal experience I do not regret the exhaustive toll of moving my mother in the end, I was grateful to be close. This may not be the best choice for everyone so take a deep breath and objectively weigh all of the options.

** Special Promotion! For only a week or so Elaine is offering the eBook version of: I Will Never Forget for only 99¢ on Amazon! Click the image below to join over 100,000 readers of her book. **


Elaine is one of the many acclaimed authors and professionals in our Affiliate Writers program. The program offers Professionals and Authors an opportunity to help others by showcasing their work on our site. If you would like to be a part of our program please submit a request by contacting us through this link.

About the Author: Elaine Pereira is an Occupational Therapist, Author, Speaker and Certified Dementia Caregiver/Practitioner. She earned her Bachelor of Science in Occupational Therapy and Master’s Degree from Wayne State University. Elaine lives with her husband Joseph in southeastern Michigan. Together they have five adult children and six grandchildren. Her hobbies include golf, baking and crafting.

Click the links below to read more articles by Elaine Pereira
How to Communicate With Someone With Alzheimer’s – Part 1: Touch
How to Communicate With Someone With Alzheimer’s – Part 2: Sound & Hearing
How to Communicate With Someone With Alzheimer’s – Part 3: Aroma & Smell
How to Communicate With Someone With Alzheimer’s – Part 4: Taste
How to Communicate With Someone With Alzheimer’s – Part 5: Vision


Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 6

Latest Images

Trending Articles





Latest Images